Mello

Mello, birth name being Mihael Keehl, is a character in the anime and manga, Death Note. He's almost always eating chocolate and wearing black leather. Why he wears leather is beyond me. From personal experience, I find that it leaves me sweaty and uncomfortable while wearing leather. But whatever, I guess. I read somewhere that it's Mello's way of soliciting for gay sex, which I tend to believe. Onto the story… After being told by Roger (a massive douche) that L had been killed by Kira (Light bulb Imagay), Mello promptly threw a hissy fit. He had to force himself to calm down and stop stomping on Near's puzzle to ask who L had chosen as a successor. When he was told that L had decided to be a lazy slacker and not choose ANY of the Wammy children to be his successor, Mello went batshit insane and joined the mafia. In order to gain ranks in the mafia, he had to become the mafia boss's whore and take it up the ass quite often. Mello inherited the Mr. Badass Mafia Boss's position when said Mafia boss's penis disintegrated inexplicably. To save himself embarrassment and shame, he left his mafia-related responsibilities in Mello's incompetent hands and fled to Holland. A few important things about Mello: He is always PMSing and eating mass amounts of chocolate. Yeah, like...always. His father was Willy Wonka, which makes Willy Wonka a deadbeat dad. Mello’s father failed to provide for his son. Why the fuck else would Mello be in an orphanage? I'll tell you why. Just after Mello's third birthday, Willy Wonka was taken into rehab for his chocolate addiction. Just as he was on the road to recovery, he relapsed and died. Unfortunately, Mello inherited his father's life-threatening addiction, which eventually proved to be the blond hellion's demise. Matt (Mail Jeevas, a.k.a., Mello's fuck buddy) would have been devastated because of Mello’s death, had he not been distracted by Fallout 3, or dead himself. Mello will forever live on in the hearts of the few people who actually cared for him. Not a lot of people did, to be honest. Mello was prone to random bouts of rage, which probably stems from his feelings of anger toward his father for allowing himself to be trapped in the clutches of addiction, and passing that addiction onto his son. Even though Mello was disliked by many, Near even outdid him on that. Everyone hates Near. Fuckin' Near. -_- Arrogant asshole.