Lo-Pan

Born in China (200 B.C.E.) and pressumed to be killed in San Francisco, CA (1986), Lo-Pan is THE ultimate manifestation of ass-kickering and pwnage. Once a great warrior, Lo-Pan was cursed with the curse of "No Flesh" by the First Sovereign Emperor Qin Shi Huang. Although Lo-Pan can be temporarily granted a decrepit body by supplication to the gods, in order to permanently break the curse and regain his human form, he must marry a woman with green eyes. Simply marrying her will please Ching Dai, the God of the East. But to satisfy the Emperor, he must sacrifice her. Not only a centuries-old ass kicker, Lo-Pan is an entrepreneur and gansta. Under the fake and fiendlishly clever alias of "David Lo-Pan", he is the head of the Wing Kong Import-Export Trading Company and the head of the street gang, the "Wing Kong". Lo-Pan is also responsible for the assassination of the leader of the Chang Sings, a rival street gang who had absolutly no idea how brutally badass Lo-Pan was. Among Lo-Pan's amazingly kickass skills are the use of the "Needle of Love" to marry any bitch he wants to, the ability to deflect crystal missiles, Lvl. 73 Green Beam Projection, and materialization of Chinese warriors with swords.