John McCain

The Republican nominee for the 2008 Presidential Election. McCain began his campaign claiming to be a "Maverick" Republican, and making assertions to the effect that he was going to improve the Republican party's reputation by acting UNLIKE George W. Bush (U.S. President, like it or not, years 2000-2008). Has recently decided to act more and more like an incredibly conservative Republican, in an attempt to convince extremists that he is their candidate while trying to keep as many moderate voters as possible. May be compared to a certain black-robed fictional character in George Lucas' "Star Wars". Both McCain and this fictional character began with moderate views, but were slowly corrupted by the Dark Side. Both have failed to do much for their sickly wives. Both of them have been captured in wartime (failing their mission) and subsequently rescued, to return as a glorious "hero". Both McCain and Vader -- oops, did I say that? -- are hideous in their old age, with bad skin and copious wrinkles. McCain is also capable of grabbing people by the throat using the Force.