Jayercake

Hybrid word used to describe a single individual called Jay (sirname unknown) in Burnt Oak, the North West area of London, England. The origins of the name date back to around 2004 - 2005, and is an amalgam of the words Jaffa Cake and the British gangster flick Layercake, featuring the current James Bond, Daniel Craig (see think, thank, thonk). The Jaffa Cake (a popular biscuit-cum-cake bought in droves in Britain) part of the name Jayercake is due to the fact Jay is a constant user of his beloved Ultrabronze sunbed, giving his reptillian-like skin an icredibly orange hue. The Layercake part of the name Jayercake simply comes from the fact that the originators were watching Layercake during a heavy and deep discussion of Jay. Jayercake's characteristics include (but are not exclusive to): lust for money at the expense of others (he runs a Thai-Boxing, ex Gymnasium, of which he heavily extorts and persuades his customers who are mostly at the age 10 - 14 to purchase his inadequate 'goods'), his tendency to put on a fake cockney accent (see mockney) to entice potential business (also to have known to have done the same with the typical Rastafarian Jamaican accent), his dangerously orange skin, creating a leather effect around his anterior neck area due to his relentless usage on his beloved Ultrabronze sunbed, his annoying and irritating faux-surprised look every time he greets a customer/potential victim, glasses at the end of his carrot-like nose, pesto-smelling personal room, being easily pushed around (possibly raped) by a few drunk Irish Gypsys emerging frequently from the local public house, pride of his hugely unimpressive Ford Probe (which he drives recklessly), a Shotokan Tiger Dragon Triple Golden Striped Black Belt which he claims to have achieved, claiming to have played for Tottenham Hotspur's Reserves during the peak physical years of his career (even though he really avoids talking about Soccer, probably because he doesn't understand the rules), claiming to know Master Sken very well, owning a Villa in his beloved Bulgaria (almost as beloved as his Ultrabronz sunbed), failed attempts at chatting up client's Mothers, his love for his sunbed room (complete with a spectator's chair and also the most lustrous Sicillian burgundy jungle of a carpet, the only place to have been fitted with carpet in the entire Gymnasium. Apparently he outbidded the head of the Mafia and the Royal Family for it because he was so desperate to make his 'special' room as luxurious as possible), his highly debated physique (one originiator feels he is a good build for his age whilst the other believes that he is merely a skinny, deshevelled man), his lack of knowledge in the Sport Science field (highlighted by this wonderful snippet of advice: ROLL your shoulders back during dumbbell shrugs), his eagerness to sell his crumbling buisness to many of his clients, his dislike of Ghanaian Patrick (see woje), his falling out with Thai-Boxing instructor Leon due to Leon selling fitness goods on the premises that do not belong to Jay, charging 5 Pence-a-second to use his beloved Ultrabronz sunbed, and being so thrifty with money, he refuses to pay for hot water in his Gymnasium (for a personal experiment i ran my hand under the hot water tap for 5 - 7 minutes and it was still stone cold). Jayercake has practically zero friends, only notibly Anthony, a bald-headed AIDS-ridden gentleman who has admittedly become fantastic at Thai Boxing, probably because it was his life goal before the AIDS destroys his Central Nervous System. Jayercake is a highly disliked individual, so much so that on two occasions he was left a voice message on his business phone on New Year's Eve, blasting many questionable aspects of his private life, such as warning him of the risks of his constant use of his beloved Ultrabronz sunbed (highlighted by the fact he was told he will inevitably open the floodgates to skin cancer). Recent revelations have shown that Jayercake IS indeed raped by an unknown Irish male with a 16 inch penis, often making him deepthroat it and slide up the greasy pole. He is teased by this Irish man and his friends when they use famous rap songs with altered lyrics to describe is lucid detail of what they plan to do with him during the 24 hour rape marathon. One classic example is from the melody of The Strangler's 'Peaches': Walking down the beaches, playing with your peaches/ How far my dick is reaching, suck me off like leeches/ I know why you're heaving, my nob smells of a thousand cheeses/ Another brilliant Freestyle to worry Jayercake goes like this: Layercake, Jayercake, it don't matter if you're gay or straight/Get prepared for some anal rape/So take off your Bathing Ape/AKA Bape/In fact I'll give you the day off mate/Only joking ya fool it's the First of April date.