Iowa City

Southeastern Iowa town home to the University of Iowa (which has the dubious distinction of being one of the top party schools in the nation, which translates to drunken assholes falling all over each other and vomiting), rich girls from Chicago who fake bake until they glow orange, and alcoholism. Your first three years in Iowa City will be spent partying until you drink so much you start having DTs in class, and then you will drop out and start working at Procter and Gamble. After you realize that Iowa City is nothing but a really fun college town, and every asshole is the same, you will start running away (only to run into Cedar Rapids which is shittier and smells like oats). You can look forward to football traffic in the fall along with drunken assholes who commit every campus crime in the book. The first snow never gets plowed off of the road and since salt doesn't work in -40 degrees, they don't bother laying it. Snobby artsy emo types, spoiled Chicagoans and douchey jocks with beer bellies welcome.