ICPD
The Iowa City Police Department. Quite Possibly the douchiest bunch of police officers in the nation. They're official motto is "To Protect and Serve". But they're unofficial motto is "Paula's and Parking Tickets", this is because on any Wednesday thru Saturday during the college school year they are downtown writing a vast number of PAULA tickets to people under 21. PAULA stands for "Possessing alcohol under legal age". These tickets run about $314 for the 1st offense and around $700 for the second. Very few of these tickets are actually for an underage person holding an alcoholic beverage, they are mainly people standing "too close" to a cup and or table which the police are allowed to infer as possession. These officers take great joy in writing these tickets because it makes them feel superior, obviously because of a major inferiority complex. No matter how much you cooperate with them, they will still act like total a-holes. These officers like to prey on underage members of barcrawls so that they are unable to continue the barcrawl and their weekend and lives are ruined. The officers have been known to follow these barcrawls by reading their shirts so that they are able to catch more underage "drinkers" and throw them out. They also follow so that they can attempt to arrest those people who defy their orders and continue on with the barcrawl. They are also known for a ridiculous amount of parking tickets. Anyone who has parked their car on a street without feeding the meter is guaranteed to get at least one parking ticket within five minutes. In one instance they wrote 4 tickets to the same car in half an hour. On any given weekend of an Iowa Football home game, the ICPD is know for writing tickets that total around $50,000. Yet with all this money the city is still unable to fix potholes or clear the sreets or sidewalks of snow. Since so much of the Police force is tied up with writing these BS tickets, they leave the residential neighborhoods ridiculously poorly enforced, especially at night, and open to sexual assaults and physical assaults. So in essence these douchebags fail to protect or serve and make the lives of most University of Iowa students miserable in the process.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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