Hull

Hull is a glorious city in the north east of England overlooking the beatiful river Humber. This of course is probably the biggest outright lie I have ever told in my life. Hull is infact the epicenter of hate and stupidity. The Humber bridge is considered as a marvellous feat of engineering by some. But by most it is either the "Road to Hell", or the "Gateway to Hell". Hull is a disgustingly dirty grey city. The buildings are ugly, old, and probably made in the 50's and were designed to last 20 years. There is not a single spark of artistic styling to Hull. There are no shops of merit, no restaurants to speak of, and the best place to stay is the no-star Hotel Campanile on the side of a busy A-Road. But theres a reason to why this city is so ugly and desolate. Theres a reason why the place is such a dump, such a putrid pit of filth. And that's because the inhabitants get what they deserve, they inhabitants of Hull deserve what they get. Hull is ugly, because if it wasn't, no one there would notice it. There is no artisitic or architectural beauty in the city, because the inhabitants of Hull are so brain numbeningly stupid, they couldn't recognise the Mona Lisa or the Great Pyramids. The Education System in Hull is the worst in the whole of Britain. This is a fact, every league table says so. The schools may as well be labeled "Degenerate Factory" and sponsored by McDonald's. But who's fault is this? The governments? The teachers? The kids? It's not, the fault lies with the inhabitants, the adults, the parents. Why would a kid goto school if their parent's don't care? Their parents are so fucking dumb and stupid, they feel that education is unimportant, that theres no need for it, because look at them, they are all successes in their council flats. They don't need education, they shouldn't have to make their kids learn. And so the cycle of stupidity repeats itself. The kids are content to skive and get minimum wage jobs at the bacon factory with their parents. And Hull will forever be stuck in it's backward way. The city centre, as described before, is quite possibly a tome to shit city creation. There are more shops in the tiny city of York for pete's sake. But what makes it worse, is that because all the kids don't go to school, they hang around the city centre. We have now sunken to a level of disgustingness and stupidity unique only to Hull. The townies which populate the city are probably the most retarded people alive, only possible of communication by simple phrases and grunting, like "Oi mate! 'Av you got 20 pence for da phone?!" Another favourite of the Hull Townies is "'Eh you stupid Pakkis, fuck off! HAR HAR HAR HAR". The uneducated masses of Hull have no taste in food, music, clothing. Hence they are officially the most obese city in britain (true). They don't know the meaning of healthy eating, they don't have taste. Healthy eating is McDonald's and Fish and Chips every day of the week, every meal of the day. I mean you get a toy with the Happy Meal, how cool is that. They probably believe that its good for them, because it's the Atkin's or whatever. The up point to this, is that they will probably die very early from fat disease or whatever it is that fatties die of. You may feel that this is good news, and it does sound good, but you've forgotten that even though a typical Hull teenage girl can't count to 10, she'll probably already have 3 kids and pregnant. So the heart attack death is balanced out with the local radio station, Viking fm, constant adverts telling teenagers to experiment even more with sex. Hull is the crappest city in Britain, its official, there is a book published on the 50 crappest towns in Britain. I remember flicking through it to show one of my friends my local city of Hull. I'd never seen the book, and began flicking through it to find Hull. I was getting to about number 5 crappest town when i started to think, "what? How can they leave Hull out? This is a travesty of a book!!" But it wasn't a travesty, Hull was number 1 shittest town in britain, the book was redeemed, and my friend laughed. Hull-ites are proud of the city though. Hopefully after reading this rather verbose definition, you know to dismiss their petty opinions. Theres even a column in the Hull Daily Mail by a woman who claims she's 40, full-on, and 100% Hull. This claim is false, if you were 100% Hull, you could barely write, yet alone write for a paper. But what's true is that she's proud of the city. But in the end, you have to look around. There is nothing for you to be proud of.