Goth

A “Goth” is a member of a southern Scandinavian tribe originating from “Gotaland”, an island off the coast of modern-day Sweden. Famous for their wandering emigration, which coursed through eastern Europe over several generations, they ultimately settled in various parts of the Western Roman Empire. The two main branches were the “Ostrogoths”, who settled primarily in the Italian peninsula and in regions north thereof, and the “Visigoths”, who ultimately controlled much of the Iberian peninsula. Many children who possess poor posture, emotional frailty, lack of vigor, strength, or endurance, sheepishness, melodramatic sensitivity, nearly pathological conformity to others' manner of dress and hairstyles, and absolutely pathological self-hatred toward their own personal, natural individuality and self-image erroneously use the term “goth” to describe themselves. In reality, not a more antithetical term could have been chosen. Goths did not spend two hours in the morning getting their bangs “just right”, because hair obscuring the vision of one eye would make archery and swordplay far less effective. While a twenty-something “goth” quietly spends a gargantuan amount of time painting his nails and scouring thrift stores for girls clothing in the 21st century (HOMO!), a twenty-something Goth would have been calling conventions between other chieftains, devising logistical and tactical plans against a common enemy (COOL).