Glenn Beck

According to the ancient myths and legends, Glenn Beck was "created" from a giant turd farted out of the disease infected ass of Rush Limbaugh, which was then fertilized and nurtured for six days and six nights by Ann Coulter, who subsequently gave birth to the end result. Stats: Glenn Beck is roughly humanoid in appearance, comprising 80% feces, 10% grain alcohol, 5% hot air, 4% unidentifiable matter and 1% human skin. It feeds on liquor, various drugs, hatred and media attention. It's primary habitat is currently the Fox News studios in New York City. Glenn Beck's political beliefs are an extremely demented and warped version of Right-Wing Conservativism, coupled with an even more demented and warped version of Christianity. Glenn Beck is known for spouting an endless stream of lies, distortions, half-truths, propaganda, false claims, made-up facts, treasonous banter, harmful advice, and good-old-American-bullshit. Glenn Beck seems to host what outwardly appears to be a cable news program, but is in reality a paid political shill factory with zero journalistic qualities. Glenn Beck is also accompanied by several other of these "Fox Newscasters," all of of whom have never attended any type of journalism academy or have received degrees in said subject. What to do if you encounter Glenn beck: Your best hope is to toss him a bottle of cheap scotch, run in the opposite direction and hope for the best!