Generation Y

Hyper-active, hyper-sexed, ADD-affected psychopath crack baby offspring of Baby Boomers, also known in popular parlance as Generation Y. Let me tell you about them. Ah, let me riff... Generation Y: the girls are all whores, have a tattoo on their backs somewhere (usually the small of the back, and it is a dragon, a fairy, or round and tribal), and like to dress as fairies. They actually own homemade wings somewhere in their homes: ALL OF THEM DO. CHECK AND SEE. The males all shear off their hair, dress like toddler thugs and have rims on their cars. Both genders think electronic devices and appliances are clothing accessories and like to decorate them up with itty glittery stars and other twinkly bullshit. Some of them actually name their fucking cell phones. Think they invented emo when actually Generation X did and called it, um, goth thank you very much? They make new contacts instantly over the internet and then call these people "friends" even though they've never met them in person. The females all call themselves lesbian yet fall in love with and sleep with men. If you call them bisexual for doing this, they call you homophobic. The males all call themselves straight but often wake up with a dick in their mouths. All are promiscuous as hell and suffer herpes. They are also all on psychological medication of some kind. They love to congregate on massive boards where they can all whine amongst each other about the trials and tribulations of being on whatever med it is. Generation Y is very tribal and will form a snobbish, exclusionary "clique" over ANYTHING. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. What bands they like. What clothes they wear. Imagining Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert sucking each other's dicks for whatever reason. (For real. Check out the tds_rps sites: YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT.) What meds they're on. What meds their dog is on. Especially cats. If they're suffering it, and one more Gen Y is suffering it, and they happen to meet on one site, voila: a new clique is born. Generation Y children refer to their parents by their parents' first names, order their parents around, swear their parents out, and think nothing of it. Their parents think nothing of it too, because most of the time they're tpp spaced out shagging their dogs or chanting next to some guru while their brat kid's spending their money to notice they just got served by something they sputumed out of their twats back in the Duran Duran days. Most Generation Y kids deserve a good hard bitchslap. Generation Y females like to wear tight pants hanging off their flat asses and that show off what color thong they're wearing. They believe exploiting themselves sexually and tricking themselves out is "female empowerment". They consider themselves feminists and will slice another woman's head off in an argument, but quickly cuddle up to the only man in the chatroom and will spend days tabulating their depression on LiveJournal, MySpace or Facebook caused by the man not reciprocating their love. A few more years of this and by 30 all that hooker shit will be nothing but residue and a bitterness men will detect from outside the solar system. Generation Y people most fear Generation X sneering at them "I told you so..." All Generation Y people have a MySpace page somewhere. Every single one of them. There are no exceptions. They ALL do. The ones who don't have one, have a LJ account and just forgot they bookmarked their MySpace page and that they have one. They each have 13 billion "friends" in cyberspace who are friends only because the definition of "friend", to Generation Y, is not someone who's got your back and supports you in real life in the real world, but is instead someone you've never seen beyond a jpeg who stops by your MySpace page twice a week and posts something in l33t telling you how great you are in huge, fat, twinkly pink letters because they're scared not to. They know that according to unspoken Generation Y rules if they don't, if God forbid they fail to stop by their "friend"'s stupid, lame fucking site twice a week on the dot, and on the days expected, and say something uplifting to them, that means you're not friends anymore and you'll attack and stalk them from site to site as revenge. This is the Generation Y friendship. How to start one? Post this to any MySpace, LJ or Facebook page: YR GR8! I LUV U (fill in their screen name here), U ROCK!!!!!!! (be sure to misspell and add lots of exclamation points, or they won't believe you) Congratulations, you now have a Generation Y "friend" for life. Just don't ever meet them in person. There'll be no "click" of recognition and alikeness, as there is between real people friends in ACTUAL, REAL WORLD friendships, and neither of you will understand why that is. The meeting will feel tingly, "off", and weird. Things will quickly deteriorate from there. Usually the Generation Y brat will pick an argument with you over something startlingly trivial (such as what bands you like), and you'll be real world enemies by nightfall. Essentially, to sum it up, Generation Y is the most trivial, fucked-up bitch demographic ever to walk the face of the earth, they are the reason America has become scum, they're all thugs and whores, they don't realize their own parents have sold their fucking souls and innocence for SUV payments, and it will be a wonderful morning when these pieces of hyperactive dogshit are drafted to war and are strafed to chunks of bloody meat somewhere in Iran 18 months or so from now. Then the country is ours again. Text THAT, you dumb fuckers. :) Oh yes, and learn how to fucking SPELL? And Smurfs will never be cool. Cool was over at just about the time they arrived. Just so you know. - signed, a Generation X'er