Gate 84

Gate 84 has it all. More titanic than Titanic: Our heroine battled to leave Belfast on time, managing to evade pretentious easyJet airport staff on minimum wage to ultimately face the iceberg that was Stansted Airport Security delays. Better boob than Baywatch: Our angel battled her way from the back of the aircraft, cussing at stewardesses and pushing elderly people aside. She launched herself on to the tarmac and ran, her tittage bouncing in a way that made Pamela Anderson look like an malnourished choir boy. The sad bit: He saw her and was filled with emotion. The hopelessness of seeing his sweetheart so close, yet so cruelly far as she pushed disabled children from her way. His numerous attempts to bribe Ryanair officials to stall the connecting flight had failed. Would he board the Berlin flight alone? More ballsy than Bourne or Bond: Seeing her opportunity our leading lady ducked into a side corridor, her heart pounding as Gate 84 came to view. She banged at the door, the only barrier remaining between her and her lover. As it unlocked she burst through, her magnificent dump truck firing on all cylinders. Not Casablanca: She saw him at the window looking forlorn; she had made it against all odds. She lightly tapped him on the arm and he turned to look at her.... "How?" he exclaimed, his despondency replaced by surrealism as he poked her in the forehead to make sure she was real. They embraced, nothing was ever going to keep these lovers apart.