Florida Mug

As a 6th Generation Floridian, I think I am pretty qualified to describe this state. I get pissed off when I hear a lot of the misconceptions about our state, especially from people who live here that think they know what they are talking about but, in actuality, have no clue! Florida has no distinctive seasonal changes- It's either kind of cold, warm, or hot. Kind of cold is usually at 4am in the morning before the sun rises in the middle of January. True Floridians know how to drive, tourists (Snowbirds) and immigrants have no fucking clue. They drive around staring at the pretty fucking clouds more than they stare at the road and pay attention to what they're doing. I have seen this happen time and time again. We have cowboys- actual cowboys! Like the ones you see in Texas- they live in the middle of the state though mostly, away from the beaches and the "City life" as they like to put it. It's not always sunny in Florida- Actually during the summer it is always raining. We are not in some mecca where the weather is always perfect. Only people who are not from Florida freak out over hurricanes. We have plenty of warning people- It's not going to magically hit us overnight, so quit fucking freaking out and acting like the world is going to end 2 weeks before it hits. Most of the Spanish people in this state are Republicans, so quit blaiming it all on the rednecks. We have a lot of beautiful women but we also have a lot of ugly ones too. Most of the good looking men are either gay or married. Hog meat is plenty and bountiful and oh so scrumtious. If you don't like animal killers, don't move here. The deer in S. Fla are very small and not worth hunting for. If you want good hunting go to GA. Flip flops are considered shoes down here. The roads suck- There is always some type of construction going on, though it's never quite clear for what. And it never ends. There's not only Palm Trees people. Most people in FL are not originally from Florida, so quit blaiming us for the stupid things that happen here. Blaim New Jersey, New York, and all the other Union states these people move from. If you don't have AC in your vehicle you are shit out of luck. The more south you go, the more you want to kill yourself. True Floridians like to do outdoors activities and get fucked up, not just go to clubs and get fucked up. Don't go swimming in Lake Okeehcobee or the gators will rip your arm off like they did that one idiot kid from Okeechobee. Speaking of, gator hunting is a fun hobby, but if you don't know what you're doing, don't attempt it. Most stupid things that happened in our state happen in others states as well. Enough said. We don't visit Walt Disney everyday. That shit is for tourists from England mostly. If you don't know what an airboat is, you ain't from here. The schools aren't that bad. Home Insurance is way too high in south florida. There are too many gated communities in the suburbs. They act like they're in the fucking ghetto for Chrissakes. We don't go to the beach everyday. Ain't and ya'll are used everyday by true Floridians, get over it. Quit telling us those words aren't in the dictionary because we don't give a fuck! We don't like tourists, we like their money. If you want good drugs, such as marijuana or cocaine, Carol City has plenty. Enter at your own risk. They're not roaches people, they're palmetto bugs. Roaches don't fly. We have lots and lots of old people who love to call the cops. Fair warning. If you don't like Florida, which most Yankees don't (i.e. "It's too fuckin hawt", "There's too much twaffic", "Damn rednecks", etc.) I-95 will take you right back where you came from! Have fun on the way back North!!!! There is more I could say but I'll leave it to that. You can figure the rest out if you ever move down here (Which most of you probably will unfortunately.)