First Aunt Jemima

The wives of the first 43 presidents were given the title of "First Lady", but that was the past. That's an OLD title from the OLD united states. It's a new world and it is time for CHANGE. Therefore, its time for a NEW title for the president's wife. Since America has a Capitalist economy and a president has become more of a figurehead than a leader, and being a good figurehead means being a consumer whore, the new title for the president's wife will be used for advertising space and product placement. Every four years starting now, a corporation will pay the White House a MASSIVE amount of money to brand the president's wife with their product name, and the wife will be referred to as "First <whatever product bought their name>" as long as their husband stays the president. (For example: First Pepto Bismol, First Quaker Oatmeal, First Extra Strength Vagisil, First Murphy's Butt Lovin Lube, etc.) This presidential term's wife name advertisement slot has already been purchased by Aunt Jemima. So, that means Michelle Obama is the nation's first "First Aunt Jemima". It is oddly coincidental that she strongly resembles Aunt Jemima. If you don't believe me, next time you are in the grocery store LOOK at a bottle of Aunt Jemima... They look so much alike they could be twins! Also, she's a black chick, and everyone knows black chicks know how to cook. Imma go have a pancake with a bottle of Michelle Obama now...