Eli

An Eli is a total spazz who excels at taking extreme amounts of shit from his friends. An Eli may physically shake and rattle uncontrollably, making simple tasks like tattooing or touching a woman difficult, if not impossible. Due to his unrelenting self-doubt, a chain-smoking Eli lies like a politician, moves like a lizard, and smells like Gold Bond sprinkled in an ashtray. An Eli will often earn the nickname Rattlehands or eLIE. When being reprimanded by a boss or partner, an Eli will stare into the middle distance and robotically reply “I understand.” Once an Eli crosses through the lonely plains of anxiety, rejection and shame however, he’ll grow a thicker skin, stop crying in public, and learn to ignore the endless ball-busting like a pro. An Eli is at heart a good dude, but his inherent weirdness and inability to communicate like a normal human in social settings lead many to feel uncomfortable around him. This is a shame because once an Eli gains your respect, you will appreciate him being a part of the crew (that won’t stop an Eli from getting all the shit shoveled on him daily, however).