Delayed Onset Roll Fog (DORF)

Definition: A clinically under-recognized but scientifically supported neurocognitive condition wherein an individual experiences delayed mental cloudiness, executive dysfunction, and profound existential inertia—typically manifesting on Monday mornings following the consumption of a CFR (Chicken Fillet Roll) on the previous Friday. Background & Scientific Basis: First identified in 2021 by researchers at the Cognitive Nutrition and Behavioral Lethargy Institute (CNBLI), DORF has since gained traction in neuroscience and workplace productivity circles. Controlled studies show a strong correlation between Chicken Fillet Roll ingestion—particularly those loaded with taco sauce, cheese, stuffing, and regret—and reduced prefrontal cortex activity after a 48–72 hour latency period. Unlike immediate food comas, DORF strikes silently, lying in wait until Outlook meetings begin. Peer-reviewed findings (J. Murphy et al., 2025): 119% of office workers who consumed a CFR on Friday reported "mild to catastrophic" fog by 9:45 a.m. Monday. EEG scans revealed dips in frontal lobe activity similar to that of sleep-deprived raccoons. Participants were 459% more likely to start an email with “I'm currently out of office…” and forget what they were circling. Common Symptoms: Cognitive lag between tabs Repeating passwords like incantations Scrolling SharePoint in existential freefall Detachment from KPIs Reheating the same coffee… again