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PMS (noun) Premenstrual Syndrome or PMS is a hormonal [state] that affects some (SOME!) women and makes them more sensitive, bloated, angry, murderous and liable to need huge quantities of [chocolate] more than normally so. The condition lasts up to four weeks of every month. PMS [may] also possibly stand for Punish My Spouse, or Pissed-off,& Murderously Savage. There is some argument amongst scholars over the exact words that make this acronym.

Husbands in remote Kreplachistan still attend "Poosiwippauniversit aat" or "School for Husbands." It's as mandatory before a Kreplachi wedding as a prenup in Beverly Hills. It's considered as necessary to surviving a Kreplachi [marriage] as laying in a huge supply of 2-layer, deluxe boxes of the best chocolates for the two or more weeks a month of a Kreplachi wife's PMS. (Scientists postulate that a gene in the Kreplachi population is found on the X chromosome, and women, being XX, get two of them and thus have twice the normal amount of PMS as the general population of women around the world.) Potential husbands learn important skills like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn without prompting, cleaning up after the goats in the yard, running errands and putting down the toilet seat. "It is a difficult habit to [break] if your [mother] did not teach you, as a young [boy], to do this," remarks Hayseed Fuzzlov, one of the students who hoped he would marry well as a result of his studies. "I always use the [toilet] with the seat down," confides the more savvy Fabian Goatchek. "My [mother] trained me well." It is said that the best brides will [reject] any proposal from a potential husband who doesn't possess the distinctive diploma, a [whip] crossed with a rolling pin tatooed on a tanned cat skin. "I wouldn't want a [woman] who didn't want me to have this schooling," remarks Igo Bonkers, a young man with a flourishing mustache, traditional in this mountainous land and useful for straining the bugs and leaves out of the strong Kreplachi [tea] "She would be a kind of a slut if she didn't." Unfortunately, after he uttered the Kreplachi [word] for "slut", three Amazons charged out of the bushes and clubbed him senseless with rolling pins. Such words are beneath the classically trained male students, and violations of the rules are judged harshly. Advanced studies in diaper changing, doing dishes without breakage, foot-rubbing and finding gainful employment are available for those who really are serious about a good [marriage], and remedial courses are typically completely booked months in advanced. The final exam is said to be very tough: "They might ask you something difficult like 'Does this dress make me look fat' and you'd better have the right answer. You could die right on the spot if you get it wrong" Bonkers tells the reporter. Last year eight [men] didn't make it through the course. But even their mothers weren't terribly sorry. "They just didn't learn. Not that we didn't try." remarked one [mother], whose late [son] was a notable dunce. "He deserved what he got."

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