Chav

Oh, my! A twelve year-old girl wearing a t-shirt proclaiming her status as a ‘slut’. How tasteful. Mother would be so proud… Is she..? Yes, she is! A Chavette! Sorry, didn’t spot it quickly enough – forgive me, I’m blind. Here are a few clues for Chav-spotters: Girls (Chavettes, Sengas): - Bling, and lots of it. - Hoop earrings you could drive a bus through - Hair pulled back so tight as to provide a facial expression of constant surprise - At least three children trailing - Smoking a fag – a little white stick poking out of your mouth really does make you look TERRIBLY sophisticated, dear… - Talking on a mobile - Wearing a variety of coins/Christmas cracker rings on fingers - Cow-eyed look in eyes - Skin as white as death, with blue tinges here and there (occasional purple and yellow ones too, from constant spousal abuse) and a red nose from smoking/drinking too much - Skirt pulled up to just below the hair-line (please God don’t EVER let it get any higher) - Fat Chavettes – without exception - sport tight, too-short tops that would put even the hardiest person off their meal, and trousers that expose a crack minging enough to put a plumber to shame - Throws litter/gum/cigarette butts onto the pavement/bus floor Boys - Baseball caps on (but probably don’t know what baseball is) - Hair so short it could pop balloons - Fewer teeth than a Shanghai hobo - Tiny, skinny frame laden with heavy fake-gold - Cheap nylon track-suits - Smoking a fag (of course) and spitting at passers-by - Usually found sitting on the top of a park bench or a wall in the town centre - Ears near the back of their necks, a particularly endearing genetic malformation - Always mock-fighting with fellow Chavs, possibly to intimidate onlookers - In vehicles that are horribly unroadworthy, and which generally have no engine. The booming bass from the shite they listen to provides enough momentum Classless, no-mannered, ugly, aggressive, incredibly stupid wastes of flesh. They need to be lined up and shot.