Chav

A cancerous polyp on the metaphorical anus of the UK. Males usually in tracksuits and baseball caps, legs of the same said tracksuits tucked into the socks. The speculation is that it reduces "drag" when running away from the police. Females can be observed herding many children, rarely the offspring will know who their father is or even have the same one. The proper arena for proof of paternity for the chav is the Jeremy Kyle show as long as the chav makes sure on the day that they have greasy hair, a vile attitude and less than ten teeth. The female of the species most commonly wear giant hoop earrings which can be seen from low earth orbiting spacecraft. The Essex facelift hairstyle is preferred, the hair pulled so tightly back from the face that the smallest facial expression becomes impossible. Lots of gold tinted jewellery is a must have accessory. Argos is the desired outlet for these tawdry baubles of chav office, the more gaudy the "bling" as it is known, the higher the chav ranking. The male example of a chav will be comfiest when with 10 or more of his kind, usually loitering outside corner shops and fast food outlets spitting and drinking cans of Fosters or Carling, verbally abusing passers by. But only when with his brethren do we see the cocky attitude and foul mouth of the chav. That is of course if you can actually understand what he is saying as to the rest of humanity it sounds like the grunting and squawking of pigs being tortured to death.