chav

Also known as homo inferior mushtus. The latest evolution of the common Rat. Generally a pack animal, chavs are only to be found alone when serving "blackup" duty for a fight or theft. Otherwise there will be at least five of them, ranging in ages from 8-24.At least half of them will be related in some way, leading one to presume that the chav culture encourages inbreeding. This pack is not to be underestimated, as if angered it is quite capable of taking down a stunned 3 year old, if it has the element of surprise. Standard attire has already been mentioned multiple times in these definitions, so I do not believe I need to elaborate there. Years of self-enforced isolation from the rest of the cultured world has lead to the chav race developing it's own primitive culture. In this ideology, tacky "celebrity" icons are awarded the same devotion as demi-gods, when there only claim to fame is either through making an appalling R&B track, posing naked for newspapers, or appearing on a dubious reality TV show such as big brother. The pack leader of a group of chavs can easily be recognised: usually the oldest, he (chavs are patriachal) will always be smoking a 2-week old fag, will be so laden with fake gold "bling" that he will barely be able to walk, and will be wearing the most realistic looking fake sports gear. The Head Chavs word is law in such a pack, though sometimes there are contests for leadership. Such contests are highly ritualised. They will inevitably start with a slur on the head chavs parentage. The head chav will then reply "you wot mush?" or something similar, and will walk threateningly towards the other chav, indicating that the challenge is accepted. The two chavs will stand together, looking straight into each others face, trying to use sheer body mass to push the other one down. Eventually, one chav will have to use his arms to force the other one back, to avoid being overpowered. Insults will continue up untill this stage. Once the pushing back stage has occured, overall victory will be granted to the chav who can "nut" the other one quickest. Such contests of strength are very common. The chav language is a crue facsimile of the English dialect of the region they inhabit. The words have been twisted beyond all recognition, and often used to mean the complete opposite of what they used to mean. For example, chavvettes are often refered to as "fit" by male chavs, when they appear to have all the sex appeal of a dead haddock. Expletives, "innit", "like", and "yeah" are used instead of commas, full stops and other punctuation marks in the chav speech. The government debates over this problem nearly every day, but so far no action has been taken. They can't decide whether to use Napalm, Nukes, flamethrowers, or just give each human citizen a shotgun and tell them "happy hunting".