chav

Dictionary Definition: Homous Burberryus (i) Homous Burberryus, adj as in Chavlike or Chavish (ii)noun given to a social class group called the Chavs who are frowned upon by other classes; literal meaning: Council Housed And Violent (iii) noun the Normal-Normans group accuse anyone who looks like they like football or rap and call them it. Also known as: Yobbs, Hooligans, Scum, ASBO Regulars, Vandals, Dope Scroungers, Neds, Townies, Kevs, Charvers, Steeks, Spides, Bazzas, Yarcos, Ratboys, Kappa Slappers, Skangers, Scutters, Janners, Stigs and Scallies. Description: Means Council Housed And Violent. they are often mistaken for Townies who choose to follow in their culture but are really just puffs. They generally are known for: smoking, drug taking, drug dealing, vandalism, rowdy behavior, wearing Burberry and florescent clothes so a car won’t run them over when they occasionally dive into the road, wearing trainers, stealing and getting Anti Social Behavior Orders. They are generally quite violent and hang out in massive groups where there is a light, similar to its cousin species the moth. These moth/ape hybrid are intolerant of any kind of authority or order. They are found in cities and large towns where the crime rate is high. They are conscious of the fact there are other rivals that may not like them, so they hang out in big Gangs to stop someone kicking the living crap out of them. Possible names of gang: White City Crew, Bowling Hard Boys, Stanway Massive, Lexden Rude Boys, West Burgholt Click and The Ones Who Ride Around On BMXs Down That Road To Tollgate Crew. Possible name of member: Tyrone, Bianca, Champagne, Eleanor Rigby or Malteser. Hang-out Locations: They are quite picky as to where they hang out; they usually pick a place near an offlicence with an alley and space to run if the Police come past. They are quite light sensitive and at night they will flock to the nearest light, nightclub or rave. They like to be somewhere with other people to provoke or “Happy Slap”. Historical Background: It is believed by some they have evolved from Moths or Apes, but new evidence suggests they are merely single celled amoebas who have adapted to our form of life and leech off our country’s benefits. They have inspired Townies from middle-classed areas of society to unveil themselves as lazy, skiving members of society. They take many influences from the American Ghetto lifestyle and try and re-create their culture in England, but it doesn't work as a drive by in England would involve a typical London Cab with the Queen driving Prince Charles with a shotgun and Sherlock Holmes Smoking his pipe in the back talking to Charles Dickins. Characteristics: At first sight they very violent and nasty pieces of work, if you see that then you have good observational skills as they are exactly that. They tend not to go to work but collect benefits from the post office, steal, deal drugs and watch Jerry Spinger and Trisha the whole morning. These sloth-like living piles of rubbish exist for the sole perpose of one reason and one reason alone, to annoy the curtain-twitching grannies to blame all young people for everything bad that happens in the world. The phrase every DOG has their day applies mainly to the elderly on the Local news program, where the main stories are about fences, land, digging holes and planning permission, are hijacked by a story of a chavling getting an ASBO for looking at an old person funny. This inspires satirical right wing “comedians” to jump on there band-wagon of rousing up support in hatred of kids and how they “cost us money to feed and are a waste of air”. In a the case of these particular type of person, that would be a viable statement. Ideals and Beliefs: In Chavdome as with other cultures, it is considered a sin to dob on one another. Also in Chavdome the word “Gay” must be used in every sentence and at every opportunity. Quotation from Tyrone’s Geography Exercise Book Back Page “Millers is such a GAY innit and Bianca is such a cow cus she is a minger innit lol”. Not complying with any of Chavdome’s complicated belief system will result in action being taken depending on the circumstance, who done it and what they did. It is a major sin in Chavdome to not have the newest mobile with the “Crazy Frog Remix” set as the ring tone. It is considered funny by them to take part in an activity known as “happy slap”; happy slapping is a registered sport in which a participant will say “HAPPY SLAP” and slap the unwilling and seemingly uninformed opponent. Many chav clerics will extend beyond the happy slap and record the response of the unwilling pedestrian being hit with a variety of objects, like: Traffic cones, wheelie bins, fence posts, sticks, the elderly and anything within the immediate area of the participating player. Social Ladder: To climb their social ladder you must at first loose all conscious thought and assume the position of a constipated Gorilla. Then one will notice you and offer you some drugs, take them and act stoned all day, steal stuff and then you are considered cool. Academics: What they lack in effort and logical qualifications, they make up for in the physical field of legging it from a Policeman and their knowledge of the local area and how it works. This makes them prize criminals but they do occasionally make the mistake of spay painting their name in the house they just burgled. Hobbies and Activities: They enjoy: Running from Policemen, shoplifting, fights, gang fights, fat people falling over, mugging, drugs, smoking, more drugs and football hooliganism when they can fit it in. Symptoms: To spot one is easy, in a uniformed situation like a school, they will do anything to make themselves look like they are not part of that school, e.g. wear a hoody under blazer. They also sound a lot like there is a very loud jet engine coming past and they want to be heard, even though the room is quiet. Physical and Material Apparel: They would traditionally wear a Burberry baseball cap, a Nickelson shirt, a white Ecko hoody, sovereign ring, tracksuit trouser tucked into the socks, your trainers and a 10Kg chunky gold plated necklace. Other than appearance there are more ways to spot a chav. For example, the chav will always carry a mobile on him or her at all times incase they are contacted at any given moment 24/7, or there is a funny dead tramp on the road, or someone to happy slap and record on their video phones. Normal people also have mobile phones, but they will always have a newer version and the ring tone will be set to the “Crazy Frog Remix” or any other top 40 “Jamster” Hit. Favorite phrases: “What are you looking at?”, “Yeah but no but well I burnt my ID cus I don’t even need it” and “Ha Ha Ha Ha- Gay!” and “HAPPY SLAP”.