Captain Falcon

The Nintendoverse's sexually deprived Chuck Norris. He has a finishing move called the Falcon punch that pretty much matches Chuck Norris's legendary fist. If two Falcon Punches should ever collide, the universe would divide itself by 0 and... well we'd all be dead. To perform a falcon punch, you must get a glove, set your hand on fire, wait 1 FULL second, then punch someone in the face. How is he sexually deprived? If you play him in any of the Super Smash Bros series and press up + B near an unsuspecting opponent, you'll see why. He wraps his arms and one leg around them, which is followed by a pelvic thrust (oh so what did you think he was doing?) and him saying "Yes". The outcome is the opponent gets burned in a fiery orgasmic flame, and is dealt damage. Usually the opponent goes off-screen and dies (because they're so embarrassed). This is usually followed by Cpt. Falcon saying "Show me ya moves!", adding insult to injury. His down + b maneuver is called Falcon kick, which he only uses when he gets a kick to the leg ("Fuckin' kick" he says fast, but it sounds like it's a falcon move). Other than that, he has many other maneuvers which usually result in the opponent getting minor burns (Falcon knee)