Captain Briefcase
noun: a modern day superhero. on the surface he looks like a clean-shaven, well kept gentleman. but really.... he's the sole force against evil in this hostile world. he's 100% man, and 10% briefcase. his briefcase is composed out of the hides of baby manatees and the tail fin of a basking shark, which he killed with his icy gaze. no one is sure of the contents of the briefcase, but several have tried to find out; unfortunately they failed, resulting in horrible deaths. it is known that Captain Briefcase lives in a doorless house with no windows; he simply walks through the walls to get inside. the only contents of his house are a sharp razor, a change of basketball shorts, and small white t-shirts. this guy is so intense, he killed two stones with one briefcase.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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