Canal Coaches
A popular nickname for a not-so-popular company. Traversing their way around the nether-regions of the UK is Canal Coaches. Offering shite service is simply not enough for Canal's; shite value, shite busses and an appalling safety record combine to make Canal's one of the least-like companies in the history of Lincolnshire transport. Even more so than Microsoft, I believe. Canal's vehicles, bought in 1969 and not serviced since, have become some-what of a laughing point. You don't actually have to see the company livery to recognise a Canal's vehicle, the plumes of black smoke, the door that won't shut and the squelling fan-belt give it away well before that. To give you an impression of what a Canal's coach is like to ride on, just imagine sitting on the manifold of a full-reving 1950's diesel engine, while listening to Steps and trying to ignore the vomit stain that is caked to the back of the seat in front. Nice, I'm sure you'll agree. Complimenting Canal's appalling busses are Canal's appalling drivers. Beauty is not important for a Canal's driver, since any mention of the words 'Canal's Coaches' are sure to distrupt any courting ritual. A sense of direction, or, for that matter, an ounce of intelligence, are not important, since the boss doesn't know himself what the word 'Contract' means. Canal's not-so-impressive safety record is also laughable. The frequency of accidents is somewhat alarming, the odd wheel falling off during a journey is not uncommon, and neither is the fire-escape randomly opening as you are going down a motor-way. Telling the driver that their is oil pouring out of the back of his bus is pointless, since he won't do anything, and even if Canal's could afford some oil, they'd only pour it down the drain anyway.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
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War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
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