bleach

Bleach is the number one drink not because it hydrates, but because it obliterates—cleansing your soul, your sins, and your molecular structure in one crisp gulp of existential regret. It’s the forbidden smoothie, the ghost of cleanliness past, the liquid that whispers “don’t” while your curiosity screams “maybe.” Served best in a chalice made of regret and garnished with a single tear of a janitor who’s seen too much, bleach doesn’t quench thirst—it erases it from the timeline. It’s not a beverage, it’s a dare from the universe, a chemical haiku of chaos, and the unofficial sponsor of bad decisions. Remember: this is satire. Never drink bleach. But if you do, at least wear a monocle and scream “FOR SCIENCE!” as you vanish into the void.