Bird

Bro walks into the room and it’s like a toxic gas alert — deodorant abandoned him years ago. He’s basically a walking “before” picture for soap commercials. And don’t even try having a normal conversation with him, because he’ll interrupt you just to lie about something no one asked about. Like, calm down Pinocchio, your nose is about to file for a building permit. He never stops talking, but somehow says absolutely nothing useful — it’s like listening to a podcast you didn’t subscribe to, about a topic you don’t care about, hosted by the world’s worst liar. Honestly, the only thing louder than his mouth is the smell.