baseball boy

A special, and very unique man-boy that hails from the Sugarland Run area of Sterling, VA. He is always seen wearing a baseball uniform and riding a different, defunct bike, usually multiple times daily. He seems to be everywhere, at all times. He is usually carrying a 44 oz. Big Gulp, which he likes to feed to your dogs. Likes to claim that he is a masseuse, and will gladly provide a massage to the ladies, free of charge, of course. Likely a child of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, this little peach also combines that issue with a heavy case of Turrets Syndrome, yelling derogatory comments freely, and at the top of his lungs, as if nobody can hear him. His teeth are in a bad way. As the name implies, he loves to play baseball. If you're seen outside your house playing baseball with your small child (6-7 yrs old) he'll enthusiastically want to throw the ball with your child. Usually, he'll do this by chucking the ball with all of his man-boy strength directly at your child's head, somewhere around the 50-60 MPH range. If you're unlucky enough to live near one of his normal walking/biking routes, pray that he doesn't need to use the restroom. He'll blow your toilet out of the water, and leave your house and your family suffering for hours. He has been missing for a couple years now. If he is found, please don't return him to Sugarland Run.