AFL

Short for Australian Football League, an obscure suburban sport played in southern areas of Australia. Previously called the Victorian Football League, or Victorian Rules Football. Before each game, teams must run through banners constructed entirely of toilet paper and clag glue and containing messages such as 'Go the Roo Boys' or other such crap. Playing uniform is similarly macabre. Each player must wear a singlet, shoes, socks and shorts so tight, if they were any tighter they'd need bowel surgery to remove them. AFL is the only sport in the world which rewards people for failure, with one point given for missing a shot at goal, or hitting one of the large goal posts, or if an opposing player runs the ball between the goals. Despite what any AFL follower will tell you, it is slightly above watching grass grow in terms of an entertainment spectacle. It does not have any significant following outside of the Australian states of Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia and Tasmania, with the more open-minded Australians (i.e. New South Wales and Queensland) preferring Rugby League and Rugby Union. Even drawf-tossing is more popular in these states. The first International AFL World Cup was held in 2003 in Melbourne. There were more players on the field than spectators in the stands. Nobody remembers who won. Nauru are a powerhouse in World AFL, as well as Denmark, who hold the non-Australian attendance record for a game of AFL - 62. (That's sixty-two, not sixty-two thousand). In order to play AFL, it is compulsory to do or have done one of these: * Bonk your best mate's wife * Urinate on a lady's leg at a pub * Own a copy of 'Up There Cazaly' * Have a name such as Wayde, Rhett, Jarred or Digby * Steal from your team-mates * Be an accessory to the death of a young lady by drug over-dose * Be totally ignorant * Keep a closed mind