Adam

Adam (n.) A freak genetic anomaly who looks 25, thinks like a philosopher king, and considers daily showers an oppressive Western construct. Adam is the type of dude who can quote ancient Vedic texts and John Hughes film in the same breath — and somehow make both sound profound. He’s a certified yogi, a detective by trade, and a soon-to-be published author who probably wrote half his cyberpunk novel while in a headstand, drinking 9.5 pH water, and judging you for eating non-organic Doritos. Underneath the hyper-intellectual, stoic exterior lies an undercover empath — the kind who pretends not to care but probably remembers the name of your dead goldfish and how you felt about it. Adam doesn’t forget names — even of the wildly forgettable. He doesn’t forget shit — except maybe the last time he showered. But that’s okay. His chi is balanced, his IQ is clinically off the charts, and he probably already forgave you for being less evolved.