USAbles

Originally coined by Alex Linder of VNN fame, the term USAble disparagingly denotes United States citizenship while simultaneously implying that the individual to whom the term is applied allows themselves to be “used” for nefarious purposes contrary to their immediate interests as an autonomous human being. While most USAbles are mere dupes, a minority of die-hards who truly believe government agitprop offer themselves up with utmost glee, so that they can be “shaped” and used up, like any other expendable commodity, by government institutions like public schools and the many branches of the military. To the government who commands them, the USAble is tossable, not unlike a used, pre-moistened baby wipe or a sheet of single-ply toilet paper. Prominent examples of USAbles include (but are not limited to) public school teachers, U.S. military personnel, and adherents to contemporary evangelical Christianity. USAbles often spend inordinate amounts of time containing the cognitively dissonant thoughts that their relationship with the government may foster. Although the USAble may experience temporary gains from entering into USAble-style relationships with the government, the ultimate endpoint of this type of relationship always results in unidirectional benefits, with the government being the sole beneficiary of said relationships. USAbles in the military frequently meet with combat-related dismemberment or even death while attempting to wheedle pittances like “college money” from the government they chose to serve.