Twilight

A terrible book written by the new hit author, Stephanie Meyer. It's about a 'smart' girl who throws her life away for a abusive boyfriend, and is also rather 'sophisticated' due to the fact that she likes Shakespeare - however, she has only been seen reading such books once or so, and seems to have little or no impact on her. Other main characters are the abusive boyfriend and an equally abusive friend, two guys who fight over her for most of the series. The interesting characters lack development, and are only there to take up space. Obsessive fans of Twilight are called 'Twitards;' strange, rabid creatures that one should be very cautious around. They are known to flame forums with offensive reviews in all caps with horrible grammar, and in more violent cases when their pathetic book is insulted, they may claw your eyes out, bite your head off (literally), stab you repeatedly, burn you at the stake, or fix cement boots to your feet and drop you into a quarry. If you see a Twitard or the book their cult is circled around, DO NOT MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Twitards need little or no reason to attack you, and the book has the power to burn your eyes out with one glance. Should you glance at the book, you must cleanse your eyes IMMEDIATELY by reading all of the Harry Potter books in quick succession, followed closely by watching all of the movies. It would be a good idea to also watch the Potter Puppet Pals or A Very Potter Musical (found on YouTube) just in case.