Townie

Young people aged 9-21 seen hanging round the local chippy because they think that they're 'hard'. Often seen wearing tacky 'gold' 'jewellery', fake 'Adidas' trousers tucked into their white socks, a fake Burberry cap pointed at such a ridiculous angle that when it comes to blocking the sun, there is actually no point in wearing it except to look like a total prat. Most townies swagger round in a stupidly exaggerated way, swaying from side to side and bobbing up and down more than is absolutely necessary, saying ‘Yeah, Ah’m cool, Ah’m cool, bling bling yeah innit’, etc, etc. Their shoes are 'polished' until they're so blindingly bright, they look as if they're new and freshly stolen from 'JJL'. Rules Of Life For Normal People 1. If you see a chav, kick him very hard in his non-existent balls. 2. If you want to find a townie, go to the nearest crappy sports shop. 3. All townies and chavs are right bastards. 4. Expressions that townies and chavs think are ‘cool’ are: Sound, safe, bling, bang out, innit mon, batty boy, rough, ratty, and any other phrases that don’t actually mean anything. 5. If you do hear something like ‘Bang out, innit mon, like’, go to the source of the sound, and kill wichever townie happens to be there, as all of these people are useless bastards with no actual purpose in life. 7. Most chav and townies if they see a fight or someone really insults another person, they will make a pointless sound that goes like ‘Oh oh ohh’. 8. If a chav or townie that is feeling particularly pointless or gay, they will come up to you, puff their pathetic little chest at you, and go ‘Yeah, yeah, come on then’, and they will then probably make up a false accusation such as: ‘Wot you say ‘bout ma mum?, or: ‘Did you call me a paedo?’. If this happens, hit them. 9. Chavs and townies also have this thing with whacking their first finger down onto the middle finger. They think this is really cool, but in actual fact, it is incredibly gay. 10. Chavs and Townies can also be distinguished by the way they walk. They walk in a ridiculously exaggerated way, and swaying from side to side and bobbing up and down more than is absolutely necessary, saying ‘Yeah, Ah’m cool, Ah’m cool’, etc, etc. 11. Chavs and Townies also think it is incredibly cool to boast about beating someone up to their so-called ‘mates’. 12. Chavs and Townies also have this peculiar habit of clapping when someone is insulted or ‘rinsed’. 13. They say ‘like’ every other word. 14. They think drugs, smoking and drinking are cool at an early age. 15. The word (well, not actually a word), ‘innit’ is used as a full stop. E.g. ‘Ah ‘ad yo ma last night, yeah, innit’!