Runcorn

A pleasant health resort built on a sandstone spur projecting into the tranquil Mersey estuary. At least it was until the filth ridden chemical and tanning industries set up home there and ruined the environment, seeping chemical residue into the water system and belching putrid smog into the atmosphere. Then in 1964 the town was hit by a second disaster when the government designated Runcorn as a “new town” and they opened the doors to just about every kind of scum and villainy that Liverpool deemed surplus to her requirements. Since then Runcorn can only really be associated with illiterate, jobless parasites living off a diet of alchohol, drugs and sausage rolls from Greggs (Whatever happened to Sex, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll). The vast majority of the people who live here are blissfully unaware of their lowly pond dweller status as they only really have Widnesians to compare themselves too. In comparison to Widnes however, Runcorn is a veritable paradise on earth. Widnes really does take the gold medal when it comes to idiot yokels. The local gathering place is Shopping City (“The City”), rebranded as Halton Lea in a vain attempt to make it more upmarket and attract a higher class of shopper in the 90’s. This place has to be seen to be believed. Tracksuit wearing chavs patrol the indoor shopping centre, pushchair in one hand, mobile phone in the other (used to be a fag until the smoking ban) and tracked closely by half a dozen kids running riot outside Greggs or Sayers waiting for their daily sausage roll and sweets all washed down with Cola. “The City” has everything any chav could possibly need, the Jobcentre to sign on, the post office to collect their handouts and the largest collection of pound shops in Europe to rob from. It even has a bookies and the Straw Hat pub for passing the time and fighting. Anyone half decent usually stands out from the crowd as they tend to be noticeably cleaner with a full set of teeth and probably aren’t fully adorned in tracksuit, sovereign rings and a layer of grime. However even beneath this first class of chav there is an even darker second tier of scum. Usually seen lurching about with the aid of a stick or wheelchair, wheezing from chemist to pub coughing up vile sputum and spreading their disease as they go. Even the first class chavs look down on these poor souls. If only they realised that in ten years time they’ll be the same, moving from JSA to DLA as Runcorn’s air and water slowly take their toll. In conclusion, Runcorn should be avoided at all costs but is not a total disaster and does have some genuinely nice people; you’ll know who they are just by looking at them. They however tend to move out before long and head to the more up market Cheshire villages and towns trying to erase all memory of Runcorn. Those that stay console themselves with the thought; “It could be worse, I could live in Widnes” Finally don't wander too close to the courts outside "The City" or you are in danger of stepping into A4e territory, a place that actually rounds up all the worst dregs of society in one building!