Iraq War

- 9/11 occurs. United States in disarray- Americans: "This is so horrible, who could have done such a thing! Somebody figure out who did it!" Bush: "It was TERRORISTS!" Americans: -wiping manly tears from eyes- "...Terrorists?" Bush: "That's right! Terrorists! Al-Qaeda to be exact. They're in Afghanistan." Americans: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get them!" Bush: "We won't fight terrorism in Afghanistan alone, we'll fight them all over the world!" Americans: "FUCK YEAR!" -Presidential ratings skyrocket- Bush & Cheney: -snicker- Fucking morons. Britain: "America, we'd love to company you in your crusade against terrorists in Afghanistan." Britians: "Well, all right, I suppose that sounds like a good idea. I do dislike terrorists." Bush & Cheney: -whispering to each other- "Now's our chance..." -approaches Britain with confidence- "So, Tony, in our crusade against terrorism, it's come to our attention that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction: AKA WMDs. Blair: "Really? What are your sources?" Cheney: "...Wikipedia." Blair: "Well, I suppose that makes sense." Bush: "So can we invade?" Blair: "Don't you think we should check it out first, you know, just to make sure?" Cheney: "But we KNOW they have WMDs, can't we just invade, pleeaaaaaseeee?" Blair: "That doesnt seem very logical to me." -Spock steps in- Spock: Not logical indeed. Cheney: "FINE. Send the UN in and see what we can find." -UN knocks on Iraq's door- "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Hussein: -just waking up, snorting- "Huh. Wha...? Who is it?" UN: "It's the United Nations. Mind if we poke around?" Hussein: "Go away." UN: "Pleeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?" Hussein: "No. Go away." -goes back to sleep- UN: "Fine, we'll just pester you until let us in." -knock knock knock- -Five hours later- Hussein: "FINE JESUS LOOK AROUND! FUCK!" -opens door- UN: -walks in- "Thanks! We'll just poke around for a while." Hussein: -snorts, rubs eyes- "Fine." -They do that- UN: "Well, it looks like we haven't found anything. Thanks for letting us in!" -walks out- Hussein: "Whatever." -shuts door- -UN returns to Bush, Cheney and Blair- UN: "Welp, we haven't found anything." Cheney: "What? FUCK!" Bush: "Well, this puts a damper on my day." Blair: "See? Told ya. We narrowly avoided disaster." -Bush and Cheney look at each other, they put on sunglasses and Cheney pulls out that memory eraser thing from "Men in Black" and flashes it into Tony Blair's eyes- Cheney: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction." -Blair, hypnotized and repeating- Blair: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction." Bush: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq." Blair: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq." Cheney: -takes off sunglasses- "Good, now tell everyone that you're helping us invade Iraq." Blair: "Mmkay." -walks off- Bush: -taking off sunglasses- "Sucker." Blair: -walks outside- "Hey ho, citizens of Britain. We're going to accompany America's quest to invade Iraq." Britians: -Dancing, drinking and singing all comes to an abrupt stop- "....Wha?" Blair: "Yep, we're invading Iraq. We're all having a meeting with a whole bunch of other countries." Britians: "But that doesn't make any sense!" Bush: -across the room, points at Iraq- "Iraq!" Hussein: -wakes up, one eyeball open, one half shut, snorts, yawns, looks around- "Huh?" Bush: "You!" Hussein: "Me?" Bush: "Yeah, you!" Hussein: -looks at watch- "What? I'm killing kids in a few hours, I need to have my beauty sleep." Cheney: "You got weapons of mass destruction!" Hussein: "What the fuck are you talking about?" Bush: "You're building nuclear bombs and stuff!" Hussein: "What? I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, didn't you send the UN here earlier to see if I was producing weapons of mass destruction earlier?" Blair: "What?" Bush: "Don't listen to him, Blair." Blair: "Okay." Cheney: "You have 48 hours to get out of Iraq with your sons 'n stuff or we're going to invade you." Hussein: "Fuck you! I'm staying here because I don't have shit!" Bush: "You're funeral." -Bush walks outside, addresses public- "Okay, America, we're invading Iraq, cause they have WMDs." Smart Americans: -dancing around and cheering, drinking and singing comes to an abrupt end- "...huh?" Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!" Smart Americans: "But that doesn't make any sense!" Dumb Americans: "WE GONNA INVADE DEM IRAQ AND KILL DEM TERRORISTS FER ATTACKIN THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD-- UH-MERR-I-KUHHHH!!!" Smart Americans: "Don't you people realize that these people aren't the target?" Dumb Americans: "DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT IF YOU'RE NOT WITH US YER AGAINST US WITH THE TERRORISTS? YER A DAMB COMMIE NAZI TERRORIST MUSLUM! YOU PROBABLY HELPED WITH 9/11!" Smart Americans: -facepalm- "Fuck." -48 hours pass, the Death Star flies over Baghdad and zaps the living fuck out of everything- Bush: "AHHAAHHHH, MOTHERFUCKERS! I'LL SHOW MY DADDY THAT I HAVE A BIGGER PENIS THAN HIM!" -Iraqi citizens run around screaming- Hussein: "OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK" -hides in hole- Bush: "Nah-ah-ah! No you don't!" -pulls Hussein out of hole- -United States soldiers run around screaming war cries and blasting the shit out of everything. After a few moments, they all stop and look around at each other cluelessly.- Soldiers: "Hey, wait. Where are the WMDs?" Smart Americans & Britains: "YOU FUCKING RETARDS!" Bush: -looks around innocently- "Well, uh...." -puts giant sign up "Mission Accomplished"- "Mission Accomplished, guys!" Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!" The Rest of the World: "We hate Americans now. They're stupid as hell." Dumb Americans: "Yeh? WELL, FUCK YOU, DAMN TERRORISTS. WE'RE NOT CALLING FRENCH FRIES FRENCH FRIES ANYMORE OUT OF SPITE. WE'RE CALLING THEM FREEDOM FRIES." Smart Americans and Britains: "So, where are our WMDs, Bush and Cheney?" Bush: -shrugs- "I dunno. I'm pretty sure they had them." Smart Americans and Britains: "Didn't you send the UN in to check?" Blair: "You guys actually did send the UN in to check?" Cheney: "Shut the fuck up, Blair." Bush: "Well, we eliminated the world of a major threat. Aren't you asses happy? P.S. We're gonna have to have our troops sit around in Iraq for a few years while we rebuild it's government and install a democracy." United States Soldiers: "Wait? What?" Britain Soldiers: "What the fuck!" Bush: -nervous laughter- "Yep! Well, uh... I'm off now. -runs away to white house and locks himself in his room- US and British Soldiers: "FUCKING GOD DAMN IT!" Taliban in Afghanistan: "Wheee! Iraq is left without a government! Perfect opportunity to install our operations there too!" -does that- US and British Soldiers: "What? Why couldn't we have just stayed in Afghanistan!" The World: "America the Retarded." Stupid Americans: "FUCK YEAR! FIGHTIN' TERRORISTS! Boy, it's getting kinda chilly here. Hey, look! Rain! Ah, how peaceful the rain is. Boy, its getting really windy too. Hey, wait a minuet! HOLY SHIT!" Hurricane Katrina: "OH HEY NEW ORLEANS WHAT'S GOING ON?" -destroys New Orleans- New Orleans: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" All of America: -knocks on Bush's door- "Hey, Mr. President, New Orleans needs help." -Bush is playing D&D with Cheney- "Yeah, give me a second. I need to save Dick from this troll." All of America: "People are dying!" Bush: "Just give me like.. five minutes okay." US and British Soldiers in Iraq: "This sucks." Hussein: -In a noose, about to be hanged- "You're all retarded." -gets hung- -Presidential rating drop to an all-time low- The World: "America still sucks. There's no hope for that country now." -A mysterious figure steps in- Obama: "Somebody call me?"