El Compacto

The biggest, most cakey, rich drug lord to every exist. His wife, Anne Hathaway, is always simping for this man. He has multiple hide-outs located just south of the border alongside his high school operations. Rumors say he is planned to run a "How-To-Drug-Right" show premiering Fall 2025. His identity is currently unknown and he is presumed dead by the governmen-women, but everyone knows he is alive. He can be spotted in trees, men's restrooms, and Bass Pro Shops. He is rumored to have ties to President Trump. He has many wives, mainly being over the age of 30. (he fulfills their needs by land, airline, and sea , that's why he's got 2,000 kids. he has a sex drive of a cougar, with his cougars) He is most famous for his plane escape from Alcatraz, where he continued to scuba dive to the Keystone Colorado Mountains and then jet pack to Venezuela (his most loyal customers). People have claimed to see him in Guantanamo Bay, particularly running the detention camp itself. He has many chemist connections. He is rumored to have connections to up-and-coming rapper and RnB icon Yung JCB. Enemies: mousetrap cars El Compacto drowns fish. he does not get frost bite, El Compacto bites frost. The great wall of china was meant to keep El Compacto out, it did not work. El Compact destroyed the periodic table because El Compacto only knows the element of surprise. PS: he is everywhere, watch yo moms and aunts. chances are, too late