broken heart

When a person you love so much hurts you so bad, you physically can't breathe when you think about them. Your body can't focus because you only now realized that you were always the second choice, never the first, even if he didn't love the first girl as much as I loved him first, he should have never ended with "just friends" and then expect me to be okay because it's not. You should have let me know from the start that you never truly cared about what I felt for you. You have no idea how much it hurts, how much it aches to think about you, how much I need to throw up just because you liked someone else. Not even that, but your friends wouldn't shut up about how much I cared about you, which I hoped every day you would too. I asked you not to tell your friends, and you showed every person possible in your grade. You didn't even care, not even a little bit, and what I hate the most is that I made everything about you. When I walked down the hallway, when I talked with my friends, especially at lunch. I wrote paragraphs saying how you meant the world to me, and all I get back is "thanks"? And not just that, but I cared enough to even try, to drag my best friend into something she tried to help me with, and you still didn't care. I was so blindly obsessed with you that I couldn't see I was always the "replacement" never who you wanted. But what's killing me is that I'll never truly hate you, never, probably not even at all.