10 Rules Of Asshole Decorum

A set of guidelines that applies to those who which to be found within the Goldilocks Zone of Acceptable Asshold'em. 1. Consider whether or not your assholish response is inflicted on someone that deserves it. 2. Treat customer service people well, but not TOO well. 3. Do not be an asshole to your significant other. 4. Be clear to people that you are to spend a prolonged amount of time with that you are an asshole. 5. If around men, pretend that your asshole comment is just a joke. If around women, reserve all assholish behaviors to an absent mutual acquaintance. 6. When applying an assholish generalization of a specific group (see rule #5 for an example), be sure to create plausible deniability by saying “not all” followed by the targets of ridicule. 7. Select certain opinions of your opponent as amusing, but not worthy of an actual response. 8. Be interchangeably and inconsistently nice to people you are often an asshole too. 9. Don’t be an asshole to someone you see as beneath you in the social hierarchy, such as the homeless, children or developmentally challenged. 10. Do not be afraid to break rules #1-9 every now and again.