God

A fire breathing duck-billed platypus currently living in a bag of Cheetos that can be purchased in a Fred Meyer grocery store in Eugene, Oregon. But if you buy that bag of Cheetos with God in it, God will relocate to a different bag of Cheetos before you can see what God looks like. There are two reasons for this. First of all, if we laid our eyes upon God, in all Her Glory, we would be unworthy and we would be consumed by the fires of justice that spring forth from Her Sacred Platypus Bill. The second reason God disappears from an opened Cheetos bag is because belief in God must be purely a matter of faith. God does not want us to see Her, for that would not allow us to make the leap of faith toward knowing Her and all Her Fiery Platypus Ways. Some say, however, that God should give us proof of Her divine existence. Even the holiest of Saints have cried out for a sign. Recall the words of St. Wallaby of Beaverton: “For if we are unworthy to see you, O Dear Platypus, can you not give us an earthly sign of your Fiery Bill?” Recall also the writings in Captain Kangaroo’s epistle to the Marsupials, where he pleads “breathe your Sacred Platypus Fire underwater, O Lord, so that we may see proof of your ability to defy nature!” But yea, St. Wallaby and Captain Kangaroo, have you not forgotten the words of Our Savior Herself? “Blessed are those who have not seen and still believe!” We cannot put God, Our Lady of Pendleton, to the test. For it was the Great Wallaroo of Portland who said that “the observance of Our Lady’s miracles are no different from the miracles of Our Lady herself.” In other words, seeing Her blessed miracles is no different than seeing the Most Holy Platypus in Her Holy Flesh, for then we cannot develop the faith by which we will know Her.