chav

The Chav (or Lamo Inferior) is a sub species of baboon which has somehow learned to do a feeble imitation of the English language and live among the British as parasites. The origins of the word chav are unclear. Opinion is divided as to whether the word is a corruption of the Romany word "chavi", (roughly translating as "child") or an abbreviation of the word "Chatham," a town, like many in southeast England, with an inordinately high proportion of these creatures. The chavs themselves are thought by many to be the result of some sort of bio-terrorism or the accidental release of biohazardous materials from a research facility located near a McDonalds "restaurant." The females (or "chavettes") can be identified by absurdly large hoop earrings and incredibly tight scraped-back ponytail hairstyle. The male is the same size as the female but tends to wear tracksuits with hood up in all weathers or pink/powder blue/hooped polo shirts with collars turned up. Renowned for cowardice, aggression, and a tendency to breed like the head lice they keep as pets (along with Staffordshire bull terriers.) The mating habits of the Chav revolve around the males driving around urban areas in small, cheap cars filled with sub-woofers blaring out repetitive random noise and hooting sounds. This mating call can be heard for many kilometres. The unfeasably large hoop earrings on the females vibrate and jangle in response to this noise, letting them know that a potential mate is somewhere in the vicinity. The chav is a highly territorial beast. Like most lower primates, getting too close or making eye contact is hazardous and often results in them attacking you. Although they are physically weak, they always attack en masse often using some form of crude tool for bludgeoning or cutting. In smaller groups they are only likely to attack if they sense fear/weakness or if you turn your back on them. They tend to congregate in huge groups, very much like the Gelada baboon, their closest relative. This phenomenon is most commonly seen in shopping malls, fast food restaurants, city/town centres, Spanish/Mediterranean budget holiday destinations and cheaper forms of public transport. For some reason, chavs are a protected species in the UK and are never culled and only rarely incarcerated by the authorities. Fortunately, there are many citizens action groups trying to rectify this situation. The only people known to like chavs are misguided knee-jerk liberals with a below average grade in social studies who have probably not yet had any family members or friends killed/raped/mugged by this brand of infectious, sub-human waste. It is possible that the chav lover misconstrues the hatred of chavs as a class issue. This is a misconception on their part, as many chavs are in fact semi-retarded, middle-class teenagers who have decided to live as baboons since they cannot function in true human society.