Ramen

1. A unit of monetary exchange in common use among Performing Arts students. Equal to USD .21 or 21 US cents, the average cost of a block of Ramen noodles, the dietary staple of these students. The cost of anything in Ramens (R) divided 3 (or 2, as the case may be) is the number of days they would have to go without food to afford it. This is immensely helpful in making purchase decisions. 2. The essential ingredient in the Ramen Noodle Ceremony, a ritual practiced by some semi-successful performing artists when they start thinking they are The Shit and need to return to their humble origins. The ceremony proceeds roughly like this: 1. Turn off all the heat in the apartment. 2. Three hours later add Ramen noodles (must be Top Ramen Oriental flavor) to 2 cups of water and seasoning packet. Boil over an electric cooking coil for three minutes. (This celebrates the discovery that adding ingredients sequentially is unnecessary and wastes electricity.) 3. While noodles are cooking, beat two eggs in a bowl. Try to remember when eggs were an unaffordable luxury. Think about eggs until their pathos becomes clear. Hear Satie's Gnossienne No. 1 in your mind and wish you understood why it always appears in the Ramen Noodle Ceremony. 4. Stir and remove noodles from heat. Let stand for two minutes. 5. Warm hands over residual heat from cooking coil. Place warm hands over ears. 6. Add eggs to noodles. Stir well. Transfer to bowl. 7. Eat noodles slowly, trying to make them last as long as possible. Drink broth in small sips. 8. Feel yourself transported to when you were your true self -- less than an asswipe.