What's on your mug?

to wank off Last night, I lay my head upon my pillow, But stayed up late, to masturbate. Last night, I lay myself upon my bed, but I stayed awake, for pleasure's sake. You should see me working on the short strokes, It's really grand, I use my hand; You should see me working on the long strokes, It's really neat, I use my feet. Smash it! Bash it! Pound it on the floor! Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through the door! Oh, it's so neat to beat your meat while sitting on the toilet seat,

I got horny so I took off my clothes and masturbated.

By attack of the pussies

What you probably just got done doing

After I masturbate I surf the web so that if people who suspected me to be masturbating walk in, they will think I was surfing the Internet the whole time.

By Awaress

Something Everybody does I mean EVERYBODY!!! (except people with cameras in every room, but the fund a way around it)

I masturbate every night! It's Too FUN!!

By Masturbate is good!

For guys only; If you want a really good orgasm quickly, then go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and cover the shaft of your penis with toilet paper. Move the toilet paper up and down, while pressing hard on your penis. The orgasm leaves you breathless, and I shot sperm about a foot and a half. FEELS GOOD.

Damn, I used to toilet paper to masturbate, and I think I was in heavon-on-earth.

By Master Bater.

I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was, "Crowning the King." I thought it was the funniest.

Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there? Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum. Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you? Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!

By Dr. Whosis