Potato
The condition of being a potato is a social disorder hallmarked by an inflated sense of self-importance or influence over others, and an inability to perceive or comprehend social cues and boundaries. This lack of comprehension runs so deeply that potatoes are never aware that they are potatoes. Being a potato is always coupled with the condition of being a [tryhard] (see [definition]). Not all tryhards are potatoes, but all potatoes are tryhards. The [definition] of potato is a [bit] [broad] because there are many varieties of potatoes, however being a potato is not a spectrum disorder: either you are a potato, or you are not. No matter what variety the potato, it is as much of a potato as any other potato. Potato behavior has specific patterns that make it very easy to spot. For instance, a potato who reads this [will] undoubtedly be thinking (or very likely explaining aloud to someone who almost certainly does not care), "Well, you know, potatoes actually contain all the nutrients that humans need to survive, so really being a potato isn't a disorder. Potatoes are actually-."
Here are some real life examples of textbook potato behavior: A couple of friends are joking with each other about the recent changes they have made in their diets. One says to the other, laughing, "I ate, like, five pounds of [fish] last week!" Suddenly, a complete stranger walks up and interjects, "You know, [fish] have mercury in them and eating that much [fish] would really be unhealthy." (Dr. Potato.) A couple of guys are cutting up with each other when one of them exclaims, "YOLO!" A potato walks up and says mysteriously, "You guys know what YOLO actually stands for right? Do you know what YOLO really means?" [Guy] answers, bewildered, "You only live once...?" Potato shakes his head sagely, "It means that you're going to die anyway, so you might as well go ahead and do it faster." (Deep potato. Don't worry if you're confused, no one knows what that means but him. He is just so [josh]-dang [deep].) A teacher attempts to explain the pollination process (in an American literature class, but that's a potato for you). "If a bee sits on one [flower], and flies to another [flower], we have that cross pollination. The bee is actually having sex with the [flower]." (Clever potato.)
This definition is too long for this mug.