ham
Abbreviation for "half-assed mustache". When someone with very little ability to grow a mustache nevertheless attempts to do so and ends up with a faint line of upper-lip hair. Usually found on pubescent males. Often a sign of the wearer's insecurity concerning his own masculinity.
"Billy-Ray's attempt to buy alcohol with a fake i.d. was hampered by his high-pitched voice, his short stature and his ham which, when viewed from a distance of greater than a foot, appeared less like a mustache and more like a slight smear of chocolate milk." Billy-Ray: "How-do, lovely lady? In addition to this bottle of MD 20/20, I'd like a pack of Lucky Strikes, please." Cashier: "May I see your i.d. sir?" Billy-Ray: "Sure thing, doll." Cashier: "Listen, Magnum P.I., you're not fooling anyone with that pitiful ham! Got Milk? Get the hell outta here before I call the cops!"
By dorianX