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God

God is the super-duper metaphysical Being who created the universe and all that is in it. He transcends time and space because He created it, hence physical specks like us can't see Him or fully comprehend Him. God loves humanity, but gave humans a choice to love Him back. Mankind collectively refused this offer when the universal representative (some dude called Adam) said 'no thanks bucko', culminating in everything going to the dogs and the world plunging into turmoil and suffering, which was fair enough really. Nevertheless, despite being rejected by His own creation, God sent His Son to earth as a random called Jesus, who died the death we were meant to. If you are Jesus' friend and you bite the bullet, you can sneak past security with him at the pearly gates, but otherwise you're stuffed.

Thank God I'm with Jesus.

By rocket_engineer

God

A word that some Earthlings use to refer to a magical man who judges everyone at some point in the future, who might have a son, and who might be an elephant. This man is somewhat of a wizard, using his magical powers to kill bad Earthlings while they’re alive, or burn them for a long time if they die. The wizard lives in a place called Heaven, which is somewhere in the clouds—or, if you believe meterologists and NASA scientists, *not* in the clouds, but still somehow above us, possibly in another dimension, or something similar. This is just one aspect of the wizard’s magic. Earthlings who like this wizard object to other Earthlings calling him magical, preferring the term ‘divine’. They have been known to invade Jerusalem when people get some of the minor details about him wrong.

Steve believed in God the wizard, but not very much, as he had never invaded Jerusalem.

By Jonah Rowley

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