A kick-ass uber-genius with godly math and science abilities, the training for wich being at the expence of those abilities for spelling and talking to members of the opposite sex.
"You know that you're an engineer if you can prove it mathematically"
By Douglas Weltman
One measures with a micrometer, marks with a crayon, and cuts with an axe.
The guy wearing the white shirt with the pocket protector leaning against the backhoe is an engineer. He could describe in great detail how that backhoe works but could not drive it to save his life.
By Tom Stillin
Drinks their way through college for at least four years, playing computer games, smoking pot, masturbating and never having sex, ever. Learns the theory for incredibly complex subjects within one relatively sober week of the exams. Studies one particular subject in another sober week to get a really fancy sounding job that is 1% challenging and 99% telling a technician to press the reset button. Makes a lot of money for doing that and then, of course, starts having a lot of sex. Gets really annoyed if people don't optimize space utilization when filling a dishwasher. Knows what every single cable behind your TV is for. Has a hammer, duct tape, and cable ties close at all times, but is not necessarily a serial killer. Although engineers make great serial killers.
Interviewer: So what do you know about spectroscopic ellipsometry? Engineer: Spectroscopic ellipsometry employs broad band light sources, which"..... *15 minutes later*.... and thus the film properties are characterized. Boss: Welcome to the team, you'll be looking after all these machines Engineer: I look forward to the challenge Technician: Hey this machine is messed up Engineer: Press the reset button Technician: OK it's working now Engineer: Sweet *Returns feet to desk*
By Barsemaster
A talented individual responsible for the design and creation of all man-made objects in the known universe, as opposed to a scientist who attempts to make new discoveries about the universe. Engineers do not do much in the way of manual labour; those tasks are allocated to skilled tradesmen. Engineers are involved in the design of everything from oil tankers to staple removers. For example, a scientist in a lab may discover a new metal with certain properties. An engineer would then take this material, incorporate it into a design, where a welder would then implement it into the machine/device. Society depends on engineers with their lives just as much as they depend on medical professionals. It is the responsibilty of an engineer to make sure a bridge will stay up, a car will drive straight, and that planes will remain airborne. Engineering is broken down into many streams. Mechanical engineers would be involved with things in motion, such as a car, or jackhammer. A civil engineer would design bridges and buildings, and other static structures. There are many more streams, which I will not list here. Often, people without any engineering credentials will append the word "engineer" to their job title. This is because there is a sense of importance attached to the word. Practising engineering without proper certification can get a person sued by a lot of people very quickly. Engineering is also a term used to describe an action that is similar in nature to engineering, albeit in a non-professional manner. An example of this would be a "social engineer," which is a person that would do something like use a friend's computer to MSN another friend, and start insulting themselves in order to see what that person will say about them.
I wonder which engineer developed the night vision for Paris Hilton's video. Aerospace engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets. Boy: The sanitary engineer came to my place early this week. Girl: Yah, those garbage truck drivers are so unpredictable!
By Craig Reyenga
someone who solves practical problems
If building stuff isn't solving problems then the engineer don't know what is.
By Bmaster