Saint Louis
Saint Louis, Missouri is the [fat] capital of the world. It is a city where if you are walking somewhere, you are automatically assumed to be homeless, unless you make it clear to [people] that you are exercising by wearing a jogging suit, and in that case, you are just an idiot rather than homeless.
[One] might wonder what has led such a quiet, little city to become a gargantuan eating machine. The answer is that there is absolutely nothing to do in Saint Louis. Probably the biggest attempt and biggest failure to do something creative was build the Arch, and for prospective tourists, the funnest part about seeing the Arch is the grueling 10-hour ride to the top on elevators that move slower than the electric handicapped grocery carts.
Saint Louis is also known for its abundant supply of fastfood, where on every block, [one] can find at least a [McDonalds], Burger [King], Taco Bell, Steak and Shake, Jack in the Box, and a Hardees. So, without anything to do except eat, eat, and eat, the prosperous city of Saint Louis has turned into a monstrous hunk of [fat].
But aside from being the fattest city known to man, Saint Louis is also home to the biggest low-lives [one] could ever [dream] of getting to know. In Saint Louis, a simple nod or a wink at someone could get you shot and killed on the spot. Why would someone kill another for winking at them? [Hey], in Saint Louis, anything is possible.
Saint Louis is broken up into 4 major districts. Whoever came up with the names is beyond me, but such creativity will last through the ages. North County, West County, South County, and East Saint Louis are the 4 districts of Saint Louis. There also is Downtown Saint Louis and Saint Louis City, but those are hardly worth of mention since the only thing that manifests in those areas is crime. The breakup of the counties goes as follows:
-North County is inhabited by a bunch of [lazy] hoosiers and contributes nothing to [society].
-West County is a bunch of suburban white folks that sit around and think about how much better they are than the rest of their world while making sure to lock their doors and [windows] in their BMWs at the sight of a black man.
-South County is a mixture of North and West County.
-East Saint Louis is where [one] can go for sexual desires at strip clubs and at the same time get mugged by a mean-looking man.
Saint Louis is a large city that the rest of the world could not care less about. Most likely the only recognition it receives is from its sports teams such as The Cardinals, The Blues, and The Rams. Other than that, there is really nothing special about the place with the exception of Ted Drewes, the best frozen custard one can ever get. In fact, if one should ever go to Saint Louis, it should be for the sole reason of tasting the heavenly delight. Just don't eat too much, or you'll become [fat] like the rest of us here in Saint Louis.
Jimmy, "Daddy, can we [go to] [Saint] Louis someday?"
[Dad], "Fuck no, Jimmy. Fuck no."
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