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A druid on [your father]’s side 800 years ago was involved in a fantastic scandal where he stole the [first born] child of everyone in the region of Gaul and put them on a ship to a far away island. They were told to create a society of volcano people who loved to lay about in hot tubs and sing A cappella Viking hymns. That place is Iceland, and your DNA indicates that if you were to ever [reproduce] with someone there, it would most likely be a cousin (with disastrous results). There is no shame in sterilization.
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