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A small town in [East Lancashire], famous for its high quality residents, cultural fruitfulness and diversity of activities.

Outside of the main town, the area is generally known for its abundant countryside, which often resembles a quagmire due to it raining for 11 months of the year.

Legends say that during the War of the Roses, Colne was the buffer for which the Yorkies and Lancastrians relied on, mainly because neither wanted to acknowledge the place as belonging to either county. [Eventually], Lancashire lost the coin toss and Colne became ‘a Lancashire town’.

Disclaimer: the accuracy of this legend is debatable, as the story has been passed down through [generations] of beer swilling nutters.

In recent years the town’s population became a test site for the Borg, to analyse whether it would be worth assimilating humanity into the main [collective]. The experiment was deemed a failure, as the Colne Collective struggled to boot up a Commodore 64. They demoted the test to a ZX81, which promptly blew up.

The nicest thing anyone has ever said about the town is “at least it’s not Nelson!”

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