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1. Google is a company made famous through its search [engine]. It also starts and purchases fledgling enterprises which make you say to yourself “Why didn’t I think of that?” to the point that it seems as if they want to gain a natural monopoly over the whole software market.

2. People on webforums rejectingly tell you this company is your friend, and encourages you to ask Google instead of asking them. They apparently don’t know that everyone [first and foremost] asks Google when looking up any fact. Most people would not even find the forums they look for if it weren’t for Google.

In fact, Google is [more than a friend]: it is a woman. She is a mother because she seemingly is able to help you with everything. She is a grandmother because she wants to know all about your life. She is a wife because no matter how much you love her sometimes her idiosyncrasies gets on your nerve. She is a concubine because she stays around in the hope that you will eventually give her more. She is a girlfriend because she [appreciates] things farfetched and dear bought. She is a wench because you must woo her by being, or at least seeming to be, the best. But once you have her love and therefore also jealousy, then, oh, brave man!

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