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Harbinger of doom and destruction. This instrument has the lowest range of any woodwind, along with the contrabass clarinet, and has a sound powerful enough to turn [straight men] gay, gay men straight, [republicans] into democrats and atheists into priests. Do not EVER take your girlfriend to an orchestra [performance] where there is a contrabassoonist, because he will steal your bitch before the end of the symphony's first movement.
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