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A person may be considered a Carthew if they bear the following [characteristics]: 1) In an argument, must have a droopy face, and in all [circumstances], must insist that they are correct, 2) Insert their digits into the crevices of morbidly obese transgender individuals, 3) Must violate underage females as they lay unconscious from over consumption of alcoholic beverages, 4) Must have an IQ of no more than a single digit, 5) Must have fondled oneself over ones sisters profile picture, 6) Must lose consciousness after one alcoholic concoction or less, 7) Must ride a naked pony, 8) In all [circumstances] must appear to act as gormless as physically (and mentally) possible!
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